Another bad news to bear.

My hubby just lost his childhood friend two days ago. I remembered that he and his wife got married on the same day as me and Dh. The deceased left a widower with a daughter who is still very young (6yrs old). The deceased is younger that Dh actually and it was truly a shocking news that reached us on Saturday morning. He was short of breath after having dinner and heard that he passed soon after that.

My hubby told me that ever since he reached in his thirties, he kept receiving bad news of people getting sick or even ones who had passed on. Well, it does make sense actually....when you're getting older ..the people around you will get old too......

Usually it makes me wonder about when it's my "time" and how it would be like...i also realised that when my father got leukemia and left 6 months to live, it was actually a blessing that he knew how much time he left with his family and prepare....rather than a shocking and sudden death...well this is just how i see it...Dh don't like it when i talked like that...but i believe it's good to get prepare rather than being an ostrich...ignoring everything and just wished death doesn't exist. I feel that behaviour is somewhat childish, don't you think?

I'm tired....

It feels like a lifetime that i haven't updated anything in my blog. Things have gone super crazy busy this month. I and my SAHM friend agreed that we can't wait for the school to reopen to shoo the kids back there...hahaha(super evil laugh). And did i mention that she got a maid to help her...so what about me who has to do everything ...EVERYTHING!! Truth to be told...i'm tired physically and mentally with their toys, books and colouring pencils laying around the house everyday and their non stop want this and want that list....get what i mean??

Anyway...i will updated some other stuff soon....or maybe i will resume blogging next week when the school reopens...hhmm...

It's simply about the choice that we make.

A friend asked me this today, " Linda...kalau yor hubby found someone new and wanted to leave you, what would you do?" And i say, "hhmm....kalau dia berselingkuh dgn org lain dan sampai tak hiraukan allah, our marriage and the kids, i would let him go and be with that woman if that makes him happy, tak rela aku kalau dia berterusan melakukan dosa." And my friend said, " Huh dgn mudahnya kau mengalah?" And i said," Pada kau aku mengalah tapi pada aku...itu adalah kerugian suami aku.(doesn't mean to sound kerek, hehe) I will tell him that if he's willing to let go of me who love him like no other and always think of his interest first, who take care of the family, who at least try to cook delicious food when he's at home, who makes him feel that he is the head of family, who redha with his whatever final decision, who nurture his children, who never allowed him to wear crease clothing, who never fails to celebrate his birthday even in a small way, who treats his mother respectfully. I am not a materialistic woman....i never asked to be so rich, i never asked for a very big house or condo, i never asked for a car, i never asked for a maid but what i keep repeating like a broken record to my hubby is that i wanted to grow old together, go pasar and sarapan together, enjoying our 'senja' time together with love. I always trying to be a good wife, a good friend to him, a good mother and most importantly a good human being and most importantly insyaallah a good muslim. So in some way or another, i believe that i will get a good ending insyaallah even when he choose not to be with me . I believe in doing the right thing no matter what obstacles i may have. And that's my principle and my faith in Allah..and may Allah bestow his blessings on me. If he really can't see all that...then it will be his loss...or maybe it's just our fate and redha that allah has a better plan for all of us. My friend paused a short while and said, " Insyaallah laki kau tak buat mcm gitu....memang dia akan rugi kalau dia nak lepaskan kau (aww...so sweet).." I thanked her for saying that and prayed for my happiness but for now ..... let's just live in the moment where my hubby is the best husband, the best father and i'm thankful for that....Alhamdulliah. Leading a happy life is actually an easy task...it's simply about the choice that we make.

I'm in dilemma...

How much truth you can offer to your best friend even though the truth is bitter? Do you think it's really okay to tell a friend to get a divorce? I have my principle that I'll never tell someone to get a divorce even to the extend that it seems like the only way out....

Since one has decided to take someone as a spouse ...it's also should be ownself decision to get a divorce, in my opinion ...

Of course we all wish to have a happy successful marriage, but Pertemeuan, perpisahan, kehidupan dan kematian adalah ketentuan Allah s.w.t. I know that you’re not sure what to do or who to turn to for advice, that is why you threw all those question at me and i just don't know what to answer you. I know that right now that you feel alone and confuse.

The only advise i can give you .......dekatkan dirimu dgn Allah dan bersabar sambil berusha kerana Allah akan berpihakkan kpd org yang bersabar...insyaallah.

It's here at LAST! Phew....

My menses is finally here..today! I've been late for more than a week and even though my guts been telling me that i'm not pregnant but i was worried a wee bit that i could be wrong. Because i prefer to detect pregnancy in early stage so that i can get my body ready for it and relax. Let's just say that i'm still bumped over my miscarriage( 2nd pregnancy) and i blame myself a little for not listening to my body at that time...

The reason as to why i was late is all my own's doing.....i started back on eating yasmin pills (contraceptive pills) last month on the second day of my menses for less than a fortnight before i call it a quit. Why? Because i found that yasmin pills didn't suit me anymore...my heart races till i'm always restless, felt tired all the time and many more and i wondered why that didn't happened to me before the first time i tried the yasmin pills. Well...i decided not to take that anymore....ever ever again.

As happy as i am to have my period today...i feel very weak and the cramp is so ....arrrgghhh.....PAINFUL!! Can't cook today, can't stand up for so long....makan maggie ler jawabnya. Hubby is working 2 shift today so he is spared from my moody behaviour ...So sorry kiddos...i need to drag you both down....eating instant noodles with me...lol....

We all have good legs to walk.

Last week, as usual we bought Bandung drink to be shared by 4 of us while walking our way home from Mrt. So while walking, Aniq asked his father this, " Ayah, ada money...beli Car!"
Then his Ayah told him, " Car.... ayah takde...tapi Carki (kaki) ada...now JLN!! hahaha.........

Having a car of course will be so much convenient but i love love love walking.....maybe i like to count that as part of my exercise and healthy lifestyle since i don't jog now.....Dh always wanted to get a car but i am a little reserved about that because i rather have more money on hand to enjoy since our flat is not that far from MRT....Well, that's just my thoughts for now.....

What makes me simmers?

When i got mad/stress/ or depressed, i would try to cope by ............

1) taking wudhu and solat

2) just randomly choose a new recipe and starts cooking or baking

3) watching my favourite movie or rent a new movie

4) solving sudoku (this really works especially when i kept picturing a 'hated' person in my mind and focusing on numbers really diverts that)

5) eating either chocolate(my no.1 comfort food) or potato chips and it instantly makes me feel better.

6) buy any new magazine to read.

7) window shopping or buy something that makes me happy (no need to be expensive stuff)

8) blogging about my feelings and if i feel bad about it...i would erase it the next day but after pouring it out once, i felt better. Or even better, write about in my private diary.

9) trying to stay positive and remember everything happens for a reason and remind myself that i'm not the only person having problems.

10) even if i'm powerless to change the situation, i'll remind myself that i'm responsible of my reaction on how to respond to it.

Easier said than done? Then you can go ahead run like a mad woman, screaming and kicking till someone calls the police......lol.....
After we all just human, rite....hahahaha (just kidding).

Practise makes perfect

I had just finished making Aliah a simple pant suit which meant for her ngaji class on this coming Saturday since she doesn't has many muslimah clothing. Well i can't help it when i see so many girls her age wearing cute muslimah outfit. And this will be a practise for my sewing skill before making Hari Raya clothes for this year...I will post the picture of the suit this Saturday.

Yesterday, i went to a movie date with Dh after sending the kids to school...Since we only have 4hr, we went to the nearest Eng wah one since we still have credits left in the movie card (which i don't really recomend to anyone because i don't like Eng wah's system and don't get me started). I don't really intend to watch 'Santau' at first but it was the only show that started the earliest. So we watched it for 1hr plus and i was surprised that the movie was quite good actually. But after that, Dh and i were wondering whether is there really such a person who is so sore and so evil that he would actually use blackmagic just to feel satisfied...Come on...GET A LIFE!! I really hope that there is no such a person like that and not to mention 'syirik'...Astargfirullah...iihsk iihsk iishk......

Just talking rubbish

I don't understand that why when a husband makes decision, people would assume that the wife has got something to do with it??!!

As much i don't deny that as a married couple, we tend to make decision together and to me, that's healthy especially if it concerns our life together but i wonder what makes people assume that a husband would swalow everything blindly and made that final decision ....

If every wife has that kind of power everytime, there wouldn't be such things called divorce...
And come on, he has brain too, you know.....

$190 is ours.

The last post i wrote, i mentioned about shortage of money this month. Yesterday morning, when Dh came back from work, he told me that he already checked his payslip and confirmed that the company had deducted $190 by mistake.
I was so happy when hearing that ....only that he need to do make a call the Hr for them to reimburse that money...
And hopefully they can do that in 2 weeks time .....Alhamdullilah...Thank you thank you Allah.

And again and again, i always emphasize the power of doa because you can never know that help may come to you when you seek HIS help....

But Dh and i still stick to our decision about not taking advance pay for next year Hari Raya... all we need to do is to come up with good planning and management on our spending....

And yesterday, i went to Orchard Rd and i was so envy to see lots of people went shopping here and there...i always like the Christmas shopping deals in shopping malls....especially body products like perfume, body lotion all wrapped in nice casing and ribbons.....for me, i'm just browsing around .... : (....it's okay....because i get to eat Hajah Mainumah yesterday at Geylang before going down to Town. At last i was able to eat the Tahu Telur and OMG....it's the best Tahu Telur i ever ever tasted...and Dh agreed with me...see ....we have kindda the same taste bud.( will post pictures next time). The grave was so thick that you can swipe your tahu telur with it and pop onto your mouth....hhhmmmm the gravy taste like Rojak Cina Gravy....which goes well with the Tahu Telur....

Well enough blabbering about food.....School Holidays is here and i need to plan out my activities with the kids properly or else they would drive me crazy with their non-stop action around the house..lol
Activities that doesn't require lots of money till 23/12...hehehe
maybe going to library, riding bike...etc etc...

Jln Jln Cari Makan

I desperately need to lose 2kg before Hari Raya Haji...which i gained recently.
My comfortable weight was 48kg for my small size(not tall, that's what i mean) and now i am 50.2kg...yikes...how this happen???I feel like my weight is on pendulum, swinging back & forth...till now i have not discover any tips on how to stick to that weight that i'm comfortable with and still can enjoyed good food...

During the rainy season, i am always growling in hunger at around 9pm so i would snack here and there to keep my body warm...which i realised that i can hold on to my weight better during warm weather...make sense?

I always told my hubby that if genie could grant me 3 three wishes...

I would want to have an atm card that can provide me any amt of money whenever i want

and

i would want to eat whatever i want ...whenever i want without damaging/blowing up my body....that means i can swallow lots of fried foods without thinking of cholesterol and eat lots of kuihs/ice-cream/cakes without worrying about getting diabetes....it's like everyone's dream, i would say...

and the third one ...WORLD PEACE!! ( really linda? ..the third one?? how selfish can u be?? haha)

But however i got myself into trouble when i watched this JLN JLN CARI MAKAN yesterday....and this woman who is the host of the show got the best job in the world!! She always ...i mean never once failed making me drool from the way she eat...seemed like every food she consumed...tasted heavenly....really...should watched her,...then you know what i meant. Even Dh strongly agreed on that....

And i discovered Waroeng Penyet at Marine Parade from her show and the foods she showed.....OMG...looked incredible yummy...(i sounded like i'm high...i know). Told hubby that we must go there on our next pay day....see....how to lose weight??? i need HELP....

Years ago, I got a ex-colleague who always called me Buncit lah, gemok pendek lah...and i always laugh because i really dont mind as long not infront of any cute guys or you will see me bite back hahaha but surprisingly her critism always got me exercise and eat properly.... HHmmm....that kind of technique works for me?? as long i don't go into depresion ...lol....still wonder anyway....

My new favourite colour

I've told people that my fabourite colours are basically Black (all time favoutite, well who doesn't like black), Brown and Pink. Usually when i said Pink, my sis in law, Yana will go all yucky on me and yeah i've heard a lot of girls dislike Pink maybe because it's too girlish, i guess...yeah, i know what they mean because i found it girlish too once upon a time in my teens.
Well, i generally don't dislike any colours NOW but i remembered hating green when i was young. And it happens to be my mother's favourite colour....haha

But it's weird that i started liking purple now...not the bright, happy purple but more on plum, deep berry iisshh colour...something like egg plant colour...hehe

That's is why i told people that Black is my favourite colour because i always stay true to that colour.....my feelings never change towards them and i promised to stay faithful...

I welcome you back

Ana called me today to chit chat with me like she always does occasionally. She updated me with her life with her new baby and all and she asked me out because she in need of someone to lend ears to hear her woes and i found myself straight away jump onboard and voluntary unconsciously..So i'll be meeting her for coffee and chocolate drink(for her...cause she don't drink coffee) today at 7pm plus at Causeway point after i got my consent from Dh.

And after i gave a careful thought, i have decided to open up my heart to her one more time and welcome her back to be my best friend...even though i was mostly there for her compared her being with me when I'm sad/angry/bored/whatever negative feelings i had before.

I wondered ....is it better to have obnoxious friend rather than none at all and feel lonely?
I've been friends with her since 10 yrs old...that means we've been together for donkey years already....and she made me feel guilty by labeling me as her best friend all the time....i can't even look into her eyes and agree...and it was so PAINFUL to feel guilty like that...

She even found a card recently that i handmade for her l10-15 yrs ago and i started my sentences To my best friend: blah blah blah...
I remembered how we are always together when we were in primary school, working part-time together at 7-11, watching movie, mimicking our favourite singer while singing at her home..how we did foolish things together and how you got scolded from my family when i ran away from home....but after what we went through, it is sad that even now, she doesn't really know me that well as a person...cause she never asked....it's always been about her...

But she reminded me how i made her my best friend....Come On...she even have the card that i gave her ages ago....i know she broke my heart and seldom feel happy for me....but i can't forsaken her when she need me.....

So i welcome you back, Ana to be my best friend and hope to embark on this journey in life together...as a wife, mother and a grandmother one day.....insyaallah.

So which one?

I already crossed the appointed days on my calendar to make my kuihs and i'm feeling excited about it already...while others might find making kuihs can be a hassle....i actually love making them...
One of the reasons is that i can never get over how aromatic the smell of newly fresh baked cookies all over my kitchen....mmmnnn....so heavenly..(getting high already ...lol).

But one weird thing about me is that i dont like to make a tons of one kind of kuih...meaning that i can't never make cookies from 2kg of flour because it means that i have to spend all my time making them and i can easily get bored....just one of my thing..

One of my friends thinks that my talent (hehe...laugh at the sound of it) was a waste that i don't know how to make money out of it.....He keeps asking me to make sofa covers, his bed kelambu the last minute but i was a little occupied this month...he need to know that i will be busy in every bulan Ramadhan....I dont like to talk about my ibadah if not being asked but i always like to occupy myself beribadah like reading Al-Quran or zikir in this holy month..
So i told his wife that if they need my services...they need to give me notice at least one month before Ramadhan....

Hhmmm....yeah maybe one day i will start a small business at home...i just don't know how to begin for a starter and i always doubt myself whether i will be good enough....

And i am fickle minded about what i want to expertise at....maybe tailor for baju kurung, sewing simple curtains, sofa covers, making cakes or kuih or cookies and now i feel like taking course on making cupcakes and also taking immediate class on dressmaking....see...what i told u...i'm fickle-minded because i know that i will get bored easily doing one stuff only...
My hubby finds that i am multi-talented (hehe..find that word ticklish) but it's sometimes poses a problem for me....

Sometimes it's good to do just one thing and be good at it..

The Unwanted

I'm feeling like crap now....my hubby tried to console me but it was no use...
And when everytime i feel like crap...i would cut myself out from the rest of the world and get sucked in where nobody can ever find me....as i was unwanted from the beginning....
Ya Allah....kuatkan semangatku...berilah aku pertunjuk and berilah aku kesudahan yg baik.

Best Friend

A best friend to me is someone who wishes good things for you, who gives you motivation or encouragement when you feel you can't and who gives you the ugly truth even when you don't want to hear it.
Sound simple?
Then why didn't i have one?
People always call me as their best friend easily but when i needed them ...they seem to be nowhere....weird or self-centred?

I remembered how I was feeling down when i was not yet blessed with child yet somebody whom i called my friend kicked me when i'm down.
While she was happily pregnant, she said to me that if one day i got pregnant...she will throw me a kenduri (sarcastic way) and her child definitely will be big by the time i got pregnant.....
So you tell me.....is this what a best friend should behave...

I don't expect her to be perfect because i myself is not perfect...but i am loyal and wishes good things for the people i love...

Even people who are almost strangers to me even wished me well and prayed for me that hopefully god will bless me children one day.....see how other people can sympathise me better than my own friend...

I was quiet when she said that...because there's nothing i said that can ease the pain in my heart ...the hurtful words she said to my face.... the words that she can't take back..

Masa tu, aku berdoa kepada Allah semoga dia memberi ku hikmah di sebalik kesabaran ku ini...i am thankful that Allah gave me a handsome boy and a beautiful girl....Syukur alhamdullilah...

That day..i lost faith in best friend because i haven't found one(a real one)....but if i were to find one ...i will definitely grab and hold on to it..because i believe everybody needs friends at least if not best friend...